Apr 30

Nine Gun “Facts”, with Amy Schumer!

Perhaps you’ve seen it already – the Comedy Central video involving Amy Schumer in a parody of the Home Shopping Network. If you haven’t, go ahead and do a quick google search. If you know anything at all about firearms, you may struggle to get all the way through it. In the video, she and her cohost sell a “run of the mill” gun to anyone who wants one, including a “terrorist on the no-fly list”. While I have my own issues with the no-fly list (who gets to decide who’s on it? How do you get off?), we’ll focus on Ms. Schumer’s comments throughout the video. So, let’s go ahead and dive right in!

Sound Bite #1: “This is a gun! Just one of your regular, run of the mill, meat and potatoes handgun!”
No, Amy. That’s a Glock. I’m not a Glock guy, but it appears to be a Glock 17. I suppose you could make the argument that Glocks are so prolific that they’re just a “meat and potatoes” gun, but it’s still disingenuous. Okay, maybe this first criticism is a little bit spurious. But facts matter, people!

Sound Bite #2: “Wow, wow! Pew pew pew pew! (pretends to shoot throughout the air) It’s like a toy, but it’s extremely real!”
For a skit promoting gun safety (and sponsored by the Bloomberg-funded “Everytown for Gun Safety”), that’s really reckless. Perhaps we should refer to the universal four rules of firearm safety? Who came up with that, again? Oh, yes. The NRA. You can start by taking your finger off of the trigger as you wave the poor thing around.

Sound Bite #3: “Now, here’s what’s great about this: pretty much anyone can purchase this!”
Yes, they can. There’s nothing wrong with that. If I’m not a criminal and/or a felon, or have been declared mentally incompetent by a court, I can purchase a firearm via a Federal Firearms License holder, or through a private party sale. Again, this is normal.

Sound Bite #4: “You can absolutely get a gun if you have several felonies, as long as you buy it on the internet or at a gunshow!”
Ah, yes. The infamous “gun show loophole”. I believe we’ve covered this in an earlier article, but let’s reiterate for clarity. THIS. IS. ILLEGAL. It is a federal crime to sell a firearm to a felon or a suspected felon. It is a federal crime to sell a firearm privately to someone whom you may suspect of being a felon, or mentally incompetent. You could be a model citizen, but if you give me a sketchy vibe, I’m not selling to you. Sorry. The law is on my side there.

If you buy a firearm online, it does not get shipped to your house. It gets shipped to someone who has a Federal Firearms License (an 01 FFL or an 03 FFL for C&R eligible guns). Once the firearm arrives at the FFL’s location, you go and pick it up, but only AFTER you pass a NICS background check. If you don’t pass, you don’t walk out with the gun. The ATF is also notified. Unless you have an 03 FFL (which you must pass a thorough background check to obtain, as well as notification of your local sheriff), you cannot buy a gun online and get it through the mail.

Let’s also talk about gunshows. Most vendors at these events hold 01 FFLs. So, the same thing applies. They run a background check before you’re allowed to walk out with your new purchase. If you don’t pass, you don’t get your new gun. Ever. Some vendors don’t have FFLs, and these seem to receive the most criticism since you can “buy a gun with no questions asked” from them. This is still legal. These vendors are private citizens who are not running a business. They’re not in the market to sell firearms. They’re typically selling guns from their own collection that they no longer want. You can often get a pretty good deal and stumble upon some good collection pieces this way. But it’s no different than any other private party transaction. I have one of my guns for sale. You want to buy it. We meet face-to-face (I can’t mail it, nor can I sell to you if you’re a resident of a different state). You give me the cash, I think you seem like a reasonable citizen (I can ask to see a concealed carry license, as many people do, or some other evidence that you’re not a criminal – it’s my sale), and so you walk away with a new firearm. No different from selling anything else. However, remember what I wrote above: if I believe you may be a criminal, I cannot legally sell to you. Sorry. No can do. From what I have read, private sales do not have any large impact on crime in the United States. Criminals don’t get their guns this way. They steal them the vast majority of the time. Private party sales are something legal gun owners tend to do for one another.

Sound Bite #5: “As a reminder for all of the parents, these (guns) make perfect stocking stuffers! For as young as…it doesn’t matter!”
Personally, I think that’s a great and fun idea. An unloaded firearm in an of-age individual’s stocking will show you how they react to stumbling upon a firearm. If they don’t engage it in a safe manner (checking to see if it’s loaded, having good trigger discipline, not acting like anyone in Ms. Schumer’s skit), they don’t get it. Thanks for the idea!
On another note, I fired my first gun at the tender age of four (I didn’t like it then, as it knocked me on my rear). For those of you aghast at this, it was a muzzleloader with a half-charge. In other words, one shot, small boom, and my dad helped me hold the gun and aim it before I got to squeeze the trigger and knock myself down. Many children living in conservative areas (especially near the countryside) are taught firearm safety and shoot their first gun around the ages of 6 to 10 (I guess that makes me an early bloomer). Many kids that young will “own” a gun that is kept by their parents. However, Ms. Schumer, it does matter what age. Children under the age of 18 cannot legally purchase or own a firearm. Children under the age of 21 cannot purchase a handgun, even a “meat and potatoes” one that you’re selling in your skit.

Sound Bite #6: “No one can tell you (referring to the caller, who claims to be a terrorist) that you don’t have a right to buy a gun in this country, that you’re trying to destroy!”
If you’re a terrorist, you don’t have a right to buy a firearm in this country. You’re likely committing multiple felonies, if I had to guess. However, if you’re a legal citizen of the United States, then the Bill of Rights applies. Key words there being “legal”, and “citizen”. Haven’t committed a terrorist act yet? Then you still have those rights, because we believe in “innocent until proven guilty”. Though, as I’ve already said, if you give me a weird vibe, I’m not selling anything to you. You’d probably give me a weird vibe if you admitted to being a terrorist. I try not to keep terrorists in my friends circle. It’s just a personal preference.


Not a terrorist. Just a silly guy with a Mosin and a ghillie suit. He gives me good vibes.

Sound Bite #7: “Which means “the government” could be coming for your guns soon (insert eerie fingers here)  like they never have, but always might!”
So, Ms. Schumer, Hurricane Katrina never happened? The local police didn’t go around and collect residents’ firearms in the name of safety? Because I remember that happening down in New Orleans. California Senator Dianne Feinstein didn’t say the famous line, “If I could have gotten 51 votes in the Senate of the United States for an outright ban, picking up every one of them, ‘Mr. and Mrs. America, turn ’em all in’, I would have done it.”?

President Obama didn’t attempt sweeping gun reform after Sandy Hook? I say “attempt”, because though he gave it his best shot, our congress did it’s job and shot down his proposals (pun intended). The government never disarmed Native Americans once they were placed on the reservations? Wounded Knee never occurred? Jim Crow laws never existed, attempting to deny blacks firearms, among several other terrible items? New York’s “Big Tim Sullivan” didn’t cave to the pressures of organized crime when he introduced the Sullivan Law? He didn’t propose that law because the criminals he was in league with complained about citizens shooting back at them? Methinks he just might have.

Even if none of those examples ever happened, that doesn’t eliminate the possibility of a government turning tyrannical. Governments are comprised of people. Corruptible people. Remember that the British regulars were under orders to seize the Colonists’ arms when the Revolution broke out. Also, recall the Battle of Athens? The conflict which took place in 1946 where ordinary citizens took up arms against an oppressive local government? Check it out, it’s an interesting story.

Tyranny tends to take time. Republics don’t usually flip-flop overnight. However, given enough time, and enough slow change, any government can become authoritarian. We’ve been fortunate, overall. That doesn’t mean we’ll remain fortunate. Throwing caution to the wind, forgetting history and human tendencies, and hoping that all will go well smacks of incredible ignorance to me.

Sound Bite #8: “When we come back … we’ll be selling United States Congressmen and Senators whose influence can be purchased for much cheaper than you think.”
You mean like caving to Everytown For Gun Safety, which is funded by Bloomberg, who routinely spends tens of millions of dollars pushing gun control? Like when Moms Demand Action (also funded by Bloomberg) went around to every store and demanded they ban firearms from their retail space (some caved, most didn’t)? Or is this only a problem when the NRA or GOA, organizations made up of millions of people, support legislation introduced by pro-firearm congressmen/senators, who are doing their jobs and representing the population they hail from?

Sound Bite #9: “And they’re sellin’ out fast! Ranging from $1000, to…” (drops gun, which fires, shooting himself)
Another factoid. Modern guns are drop safe. They won’t go off if dropped on the ground, even with a loaded chamber. The more you know.

Ms. Schumer, I would most heartily recommend that you do a tad more research before taking up such a position in the future. Otherwise, you run the risk of looking fairly ignorant, and forcing me to respond to your silly antics. Believe me, I’d much rather write about fun gun stuff.


Fun gun stuff like this.

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